The Wanna Be Perfectionist

As a mother, I always try to put my best foot forward.  I try to offer my children a lot of enriching experiences and work hard to guide them into being polite and well behaved.  A mommy friend of mine once said that she was jealous of how much I “had it all figured out” as a mom.  I remember looking at her in shock and thinking to myself, “…if she only knew…”

I’m here to state for the record that I don’t have it all together—not even close.  I’m a joke and a sham.  I do get out with the kids a lot.  I do teach my kids about new and different things.  I bake cookies and cakes with them and read to them.  But then there’s the other side of me–the side that kept me from having play dates at my house for the first four years of my oldest son’s life.  The side of me that shutters at the thought of a friend stopping by for a surprise visit.  My house is a mess.  That’s it.  There it is.  As I type this, there is a Leaning Tower of Pisa of Laundry that I am clearly neglecting to fold.  My house is not dirty…it’s messy.  I am terribly unorganized.  My entryway and master bedroom closets are downright danger zones.  I wish I could get it together enough to be one of those super moms who keeps their house super neat and tidy, but I just can’t do it.  I’ve tried.

I am terribly embarrassed by the fact that I can’t keep my house the way that I want it.  In fact, this flaw deterred me from having but a few play dates in our home in my oldest son’s first four years of life.  I mean, what would people think of me if they knew I kept a less than perfect house?  I felt bad because as every parent knows, you reap what you sow when it comes to play dates and my son was not invited to lots of play dates since I rarely had other children over here…and when I did it was only after several hours of tidying up.

This all went on until last year when I was talking with a teacher at my school.  She was just about to retire and as we cleaned the room we shared, she told me a story that her daughter (who is my age) had recently told her regarding her childhood.   She said, “Mom, you know how you used to be embarrassed that our house wasn’t perfect when I was a kid?  Well, there’s a funny thing about that.  All of my friends loved coming to our house because they didn’t have to worry about getting yelled at for leaving toys out.  As I got older my friends like to hang out at our place because it was comfortable and they didn’t feel like they were in a museum.  I know you hated it, Mom, but I loved it and so did my friends.”

I’m not quite sure why my friend told me this story or how it came up in the course of conversation.  Perhaps she sensed that I was a lot like her from the stacks and stacks of papers on my desk.  Maybe she just sensed that we were kindred spirits—fake perfectionists who want the world to see us how we wish we were.  Whatever made her tell me that story changed my outlook on play dates, kids, and other moms.  I have had a lot more play dates since that day and I’ve tried to not be so consumed with making the house perfect before the child crosses my threshold.  I learned that day that kids don’t really care if I have a stack of laundry on the sofa that needs to be folded…and quite frankly their moms probably don’t either.

Let the Nesting Begin

I'm 26 weeks pregnant and the nesting instinct kicked in today...and do I mean kicked in. While my older son was at preschool, my little guy and I spent the morning stimulating the economy and getting the things we need for our new little dude. After running several other errands, I then proceeded to work on cleaning out the guest room/office that will soon be the nursery and worked on reorganizing the chaos in our garage.

Cleaning and organizing are things I hate, so clearly the hormones have kicked in and taken over my mind and body. If only I could have the nesting instinct when I'm NOT pregnant.

The Christmas Card List

Every year I pull up my Christmas card list from the deep recesses of my computer. Every year I am forced to face the same question. At what point can I take someone off the list? There's a few usual suspects I consider removing every year, yet keep them on out of some sort of strange feeling of guilt or desire to show off my kids' smiling mugs.

First, there's the people I don't know. I now that this seems like a no-brainer, but hear me out on this one. There's a couple my in-laws asked us to invite to our wedding and later asked us to send a birth announcement to when our youngest son was born. Apparently, my father-in-law served with the husband in the Air Force and the families were at one time close. After our first child was born, this couple started sending us Christmas cards every year. I'm not just talking a simple, "Merry Christmas, From the X Family." I'm talking a card with the "family letter" plus an additional (long) personal letter. My in-laws no longer keep in touch with this family, but given the effort that this family puts in to keeping in touch with us, I feel obligated to return the favor.

Second, there's the Christmas celebrators who never send a card back. (I'm not counting my nonChristmas-celebrating friends, as I do not expect a card from them and now they like getting our card each year because I hear from them otherwise--phone, email, etc.) I have a few friends who I like keeping in contact with who just "don't send cards" because it's not their "thing." In the past, I have felt like although these friends of mine don't reciprocate the card I want to stay in contact with them, there comes a point when the cute "quirk" is kind of annoying. I mean, do these friends really want me to keep in contact with them if they year after year don't send a card? I have a feeling that they really just don't care about the whole Christmas card thing--giving or getting.

Finally, there's the friends I send to (and send back to me) that I have virtually no relationship with anymore--except for the Christmas card exchange, of course. I have a feeling that I send cards to these folks just to show off my kids, how much weight I've lost, how pregnant I am, etc. A waste, right? If I don't like having these people in my life, why do I send them cards.

So this year, I think I'm going to clean house in my Christmas card list--maybe add some new folks and delete some old...update the folks who have moved and the ones who have divorced. What's up with your holiday card list this year?

I Wish I Was A Domestic Diva

As I gaze around my family room, I wish I was a domestic diva. I am no where near a domestic diva, in fact I think I am more of a domestic novice even though I've been married for nine years and have had kids for more than four and a half years.

I yearn to be an organized mom who has a place for everything--no papers stacked in corners and on counters, no toys strewn about, and no mail from last week still close to the front door. I wish I was one of those moms who have the urge to vacuum when a crumb hits the floor. I wish I didn't hate folding the laundry.

Now don't get me wrong, my house isn't one of those places you see on that Hoarders show. (Not yet anyway.) I try to keep up with it all and throw out the things we don't need. I don't have old food wrappers on the floor and stuffed animals stacked to the ceiling. Nonetheless, I could stay on top of the day to day cleaning and tidying more and save myself the anguish of having to try to "do it all" on my Friday day off. Instead of doing what a good housewife should, I always opt for things like taking the kids to lunch at McDonalds. day trips to Disneyland, and play time at the park. And take right now, for example, I'm watching a TiVo'ed episode of "the forgotten" and writing this piece...instead of sweeping and washing the kitchen floor. (And it needs it!)

One day, I hope the good wife fairy comes during my sleep and waves her magic Swiffer over my head. I want her to make me into one of those perfect housewives with the dust-free, handprint free, soap scum-less homes. Until then, I will strive to remain mediocre. I will continue my relentless Friday tidying sessions and always remain behind on my responsibilities. Oh, and I will continue to be thankful for my awesome, amazing and very helpful husband who pitches in and puts up with it all.