Oh to be so glam...

The other day an old friend of mine told me that she thinks my life is glamorous.  "What?" I said.  "You think my life is glamorous?!"  I was sitting on the sofa, typing on my computer in sweatpants, ugg boots, and the thermal I had worn the day before.  (And let's be clear...they were ugg-style boots bought at Costco.)  It was almost noon and I still hadn't had a shower.  The baby was sleeping and I was anxiously waiting for a repairman to come and restore the spin cycle to my machine.

Most days I feel like a slow moving train, moving through life on the same tracks I traveled on the day before.  There was once a time when I didn't leave the house without "putting my face on" and these days there's days I feel fortunate to find the time to apply the emergency lip gloss and mascara I keep in my car.  And showers?  You know where I'm going with this.  I don't get a shower every day.  Some days its impossible.  In order to make it happen yesterday, I had to confine the baby to his stroller in our bathroom so I could get a quick four-minute rinse in before picking up my son from kindergarten.  You should have seen the look on my husband's face when he went to get ready for bed last night and found a stroller in the middle of the bathroom.

There are days I come home from pushing the 100+ lb. pound cart around Costco and feel like an ox that's been in its yoke all day.  You know what I'm talking about.  You feel like you've used every ounce of energy your body can muster.  I walk in the bathroom and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror--fully expecting the Wicked Witch complete with green skin--and realize that maybe I'm not quite as haggard and worn out as I had imagine in my mind's eye.  I realize that I am, in fact, weathering my days of motherhood and my husband's incredibly long hours much better than I give myself credit for.  And on that day maybe I even actually did my hair or found time for mascara, lip gloss, and a little blush or had a successful meeting with a client or got to visit my husband on the set.  My life isn't glamorous, but maybe it's a little more spectacular than I give it credit for.

Kushies Magazine

Kushies Baby designs, manufactures and markets an innovative collection of quality baby products and accessories.  For more than 50 years, the company high qualities baby and children's products manufactured in Canada.  I love Kushies products and currently have their Bees Knees jeans for Baby C and the My Bag overnight bag.  (I will be reviewing both of these products over on Babes In Disneyland soon.)   

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Life with 3

I love having three kids. Baby C has definitely completed our family.  He rounds us out and brings so much joy and happiness every day.  There's nothing I love more the his smiling face looking up at me from his crib each morning.

My boys are a blessing.  They are sweet and loving and charming and smart and fun.  And with all that being said, I must admit that sometimes having three children is hard.  I mean really hard.  Harder than I ever imagined.  Ever since Baby C came into the picture, I have felt like I've been treading water.  My house is a mess.  A mess.  I forget important dates and events.  It's really tough for me to stay afloat.  Things like mailing a package at the post office or taking the time to find the perfect birthday gift for my husband (or even having the forethought to plan out a special day) feel like they are completely out of my reach.  My head feels like it's racing a million miles a minute all day long.

And there's the pressures of being a mom--scholastic, social, and personal.  A is in kindergarten.  Do I read with him enough?  Should I be overly concerned that he missed two on his addition homework?  B is in preschool and every mom there looks she just walked off the cover of Cookie magazine at the 9a.m. drop off.  Nice, right?  I look more like Shrek at that time.  And then there's sweet Baby C.  I still haven't gotten my sweet angel's Christmas pictures taken!  It's January 10 for goodness sakes!!!

Do you ever feel this way?  I know these times will pass and maybe I'm too hard on myself.  But there's time when it just feels like I can't be the mom and wife I want to be.

A Chance Encounter

It was an encounter that lasted five, maybe ten seconds max.  I was walking through the grocery store.  It was "one of those days."  I had been spit up on and wiped more butts than I would like to count.  I hadn't gotten a shower and now I was wrangling three boys at dinner time through the grocery store to get milk.  Why oh why must they put the milk in the back of the store?!

Like I said, the encounter was maybe ten seconds max but I think it hit us both like a ton of bricks.  She was walking toward me.  She had brown hair to her mid back.  She was think and pretty.  Her make-up looked amazing and she was wearing a fabulous skirt and sweater...maybe from Banana Republic...finished off with a great pair of heals.  She was in her early to mid 20s.  Our eyes met.  I looked at her and thought, "I used to be her!"  Truly.  It was like seeing myself ten years ago.  Confident and pulled together running through the market to grab one last ingredient for dinner after a day at the office, heals clicking on the supermarket floor as the cool lining of my skirt brushed against my fat-free thighs.  I was her.

And as our eyes met, I swear I saw a look of pity and then terror sweep her face.  I think she saw in me that we looked very similar--same build, hair, complexion, height--except for one major thing: I looked like I'd been run through the mill.  The boys were being outrageous.  The baby was whining...on the verge of a meltdown.  I was playing interference trying to make sure Fruit Loops didn't find their way into the cart and breaking up the game of who-can-hit-who-first.  As I read the look on her face she instantly pitied me, as it didn't take a psychology degree to figure out I was at my breaking point.  But then, I swear the look turned to terror...or at least fear.  Fear of becoming me in some crazy parallel universe.  I meekly smiled and she looked away.

I didn't see her again in the market but the brief encounter allowed me to reflect on how life changes without even knowing it.  I used to be that woman in the business clothes and clicking heals and in what feels like the blink of an eye, I am mommy.  And while it would be easy to mourn who I was in my 20s, I'm finding strength in the idea of how I will be reinvented in the next ten years.  Ten years from now, my oldest son will be 15 and I'm sure we will walk through the grocery store at dinner time to pick up the last minute essentials--only without tantrums and pleas for Fruit Loops and who-can-hit-who-first contests.  And I'm sure from time to time we'll run into mommies with little ones who are all haggard from the day's events and unknowing of the baby spit crusted in their hair.  I will see me in them and give them a smile and a nod and a "keep your chin up."

From that brief ten second encounter I have been reminded to embrace my current self, appreciate the past, and look forward to the future.  A lot can change in ten years.  I look forward to seeing where life takes me.